I helped...really I did.

This was the scene late Saturday afternoon. Why am I not in the picture you may ask? Well of course I am taking the picture. Actually I snuck outside to take the picture with hopes of not getting caught. See I was inside, butt planted firmly on the couch with a book in one hand, a cocktail on the table (brought to me of course by the one and only Big Guy just before he lead the troops outside), the computer opened next to me and the food network playing in the back ground. I really wanted to help set up the new tramp, but by the time I got out there (with a refresher cocktail for my bigger half) they were almost done...how was I to know? I have to say, in my defense, that was the first night in about 8 weeks that we had NOTHING going on and that couch in the sitting room was getting very cold and lonely. But I had to contribute something...so I kicked off my shoes and climbed inside the net to give the littlest Wild One a ride. Let's just say I should have used the bathroom first...I think I will leave the jumping to the kids...besides the couch was starting to get cold again.

Monday updates: The Spartan took their opponents by storm, it was 42-0 by half time and they all agreed to let the clock run for the second half only stopping for scores and injuries. Nobody can say the Wild Ones have no school spirit...they learned it from the Super Spartan himself.

As for deUgliest, he is not feeling deGreatest. It sounds like the surgery was tough and he will be staying in the palace a little longer than anticipated, but he did get up last night and move around a bit. Perhaps we need to send some stronger thoughts...everybody on three!

The power of positive thinking.

A big shout out to my uncle "deUgliest" who is going under the knife today. Yep a little thing they call bypass, only not in his heart like you may be thinking...it's in his leg. So I say we all start thinking positive thoughts and sending them his way...and don't forget my aunt Maggie...the great woman behind the man. And I don't mean she walks behind him, she walks way out front and pulls him along...and he loves it...just look at that smile on his face. I can hear him saying, "God Mags I can't believe you had to drag me on this train adventure, I am having the time of my life and can't wait to get home to plan the next one!" He just wants everyone to think he has no sense of adventure (can't belong to Mavis and not have that gene), but I know better. He used to sneak me out of school when I was in 6th grade and let me hang out with him. I even helped him move one time to an undisclosed location...still can't tell you or I might self destruct. I will just think of this hospital stay as another adventure and can't wait to hear all the details of how they did the wrong leg...I mean...the crazy wheel chair rides (I'm sure Maggie is all over that one), the crabby nurses and the gourmet food. Loves your way from deKimbliest

Speaking of blood...yes we were--you know all the blood from the bypass...or at least the color red, check out the oldest Wild One on her first experience with middle school Homecoming, she stole her little brothers football practice jersey for school today cuz he wouldn't give up the real thing. GO SPARTANS!!!

I never knew shopping could be so much fun.

Being the ever delightful...I mean dutiful...wife, I called the Big Guy before running errands today to see if he needed me to pick anything up for him. It was kind of a rhetorical question, but he actually wanted something...that'll teach me to ask again. He announced that he needed new underware...yeah I was hoping he would notice that! So I wondered to the gentleman's section of the store and casually tried to find the right kind. Do you know how many different kinds of underwear they make for men-jeez you'd think they were marketing to women. Oh right, maybe they are. I can't decide if the pictures they put on the packages are designed to lure in men in hopes of magically developing a six-pack by wearing that brand of underwear or marketed to women who fantasize about their men looking like this. I did notice that many of the pictures are faceless...which makes the vision more clear, just plop your beloveds mug up top and voila...instant babe (now not all of us have to fantasize when we have the real thing...all those royalty checks from the Big Guys body pictures is going to put the Wild Ones through college...or sorry I got caught up in the whole fantasy thing). I spent way too much time in the underwear isle...I thought I might get kicked out for loitering...so I told the Big Guy they didn't have what he needed. That way I can go back tomorrow and get another look...I mean try to find the right ones. And if I cannot find them, perhaps I could just make them...hmm sounds like a great business opportunity...any hands on investors out there?

What would you do?

I got up Monday morning and looked at the calendar, checked my lunch dates...I mean "meetings", skimmed over the sports games and practices, appointments and evening galas I had scheduled. I felt my mind enlarging to wrap itself around another crazy week, but I dug in and psyched myself up. 

Then the Big Guy called.  Could we possibly meet some friends for dinner Tuesday night and what did the Wild Ones have going for sports? Honestly! I will give him the (lame) excuse that he is a guy, but at his age he should honestly be able to remember after 5 weeks what is going on on Tuesday nights (and the calendar is always laying open on the counter). I know it is just easier...for him...to ask me and let me deal with the details...and he knows that I never say no (I'm like a little kid who can't go to bed at night for fear of missing something really good).

So scrap the Monday plans (the house will still need cleaning when I wake up the next day) and get on the phone and make arrangements for all of the Wild Ones and their needs for Tuesday evening. Then there is the shopping...must have new outfit for dinner with the Big Guy's friends (my idea, but he agreed). Throw in a little prayer for rain (cancelled practices make for much easier shift for sitter) and a few errands on Tuesday to get gift and pizzas for Tuesday night and we are ready to go. But now it is Wednesday and I still haven't made up for Monday and Tuesday and I am tired from last night. Oh well, I will just start again next Monday.

The occasion for last night was a 5 course dinner with beer tasting from Big Sky Brewery held at Longfellows Grill which is owned by a friend or ours. A fabulous place for meals or just a snack and beverage after work. It is on Lake Street and looks out over the river at St. Paul. The food was great and the beer was wonderful (and that coming from a vodka drinker), the company even better...except for the heckler at the end of the table...yeah he was with us and I love him and actually found him quite funny, but it was even funnier when his wife started throwing ice at him to get him to bring it down a notch...which really had no effect. 

If you don't make it to that neck of the woods, check out one of their other four restaurants and let me know what you think...I promise to keep the heckler with me.

3 Squares Restaurant     Maple Grove

Groveland Tap     St. Paul

Edina Grill     Edina

Highland Grill     St. Paul

Remember how much I love you.

"Honey, I've been thinking. The Mini is really not the car for us. I think we need something a little bigger, with maybe more clearance. I'd like to go 4-wheeling some day. Maybe we should think about an SUV. I'd be more comfortable in the winter and maybe we could get a dog and it could ride around in the back. Have I told you how sweet you are and how much I love you? Hey, is that the Tin Fish up there? I gotta run, my tummy is getting hungry...and I feel like I'm being watched. I'll grab a cab...I mean swing by the dealership on the way home and check out the new Jeeps. And I'll stop by Victoria's Secret and get you a little surprise...I can't wait to see you!"

Bocce for Virgins and their new friends.

And the winner is...

It seems the Big Guy and I were the bocce virgins at the 11th Annual Bocce Tournament. See, we did not know these people 11 years ago and they had not yet been introduced to the Grouchy Dog or the back "40". The universes have crashed...resulting in another spectacular party at "the dog." Although this one actually had a point and a score board. Who knew bocce could be so fun-or what they call the little balls you aim for...which adds a whole nother element to the game)!? I think some of their rules were made up, like the team names...something about being naughty (the Big Guy and his cohort "The Tongue Ticklers" took first place...maybe it is all in the name). And the name of the little ball-I looked it up...I knew they were pulling my leg.  It's not their fault, they were all raised in South Dakota, but that's OK cuz I was accidently born there and now I know just why and where I fit in. It's sad to say you can't call me a virgin anymore, but that is one title I'll be happy to pass on next year. Special thanks to Boots who handled me with care.

Hey...ay baby.

You can stand me up at the gates of hell, but I won't back down. I was wearing my Tom Petty tank top last night when one of the Wild Ones came up to me with a quizzical look on his face and said, "You went to the Tom Petty concert?" Um yeah, like a month ago. Just shows you how anyone under the age of 28 lives in their own tiny little self defined world (and thinks that their mother is not quite cool enough to do those kinds of things).  But anyway, back to me.

It's crazy when you go to a concert and the guys on the stage could be your parents or in one case your grandparent. Of course it helps that you only feel like you are thirty and get confirmation from the young (stoned) guy next to you who freaks cuz he can't believe you've actually hit the big 4-0. The concert was fabulous and the people watching was wild-12 year olds to 70 year olds all in the same "room" swaying to the same tune. Of course my favorite part of the whole night was the school bus full of college boys that drove by as we were walking down Hennepin. One of the "boys" leaned out the window, pointed at me and yelled, "Hey, I'd do her." Yep, you heard it, I'm doable.

If given lemons...squeeze them in a glass of vodka.

After a looong summer hangin' with the Wild Ones and caring for the MIL, I wanted to spend a day on the boat with the Big Guy-no kids, no MILs, no crowds. The first week the Wild Ones were back in school it was bitter cold and I thought we were doomed. Then the second week I actually had to go to a job-I know...how inconvenient. So this week I checked the weather, checked the schedule and said a little prayer. 

Finally, the Big Guy and I got to have our day. The night before we were going out, the Big Guy gets invited on the BFF's boat with a bunch of hoodlums...I mean guys. He comes home late, a little loopy and a poof of cigar smoke wafted over me as his head hit the pillow. If that was not bad enough (he says it could have been worse, he could have been gassy) he passes out into a full fledge "rattle the windows" snore fest spread eagle on the bed and then starts patting me. Yup you heard me right, he was patting me...my shoulder, my belly, my legs. Not romantic, definitely not "don't stop, you're turning me on and going to get lucky tonight" patting. 

So after four hours of laying there AWAKE I got up to start my day. And yes I was a little cranky. But still I was bound and determined to get out on the boat. Fast forward to two hours after we are supposed to leave and the Big Guy finally shows up (oh and by the way he forgot to ask the oldest Wild One to babysit the little ones...yup had to do that myself too). We got in the car and I decided I was going to have fun...damnit! So we got to the launch, which went smoothly, and I even parked the boat trailer all by my self...35 feet of black steel perfectly backed-evenly I might add-between the two white lines and up the hill...on the first try. And yes I stood back and gave myself a few high fives and decided this trip was lookin' better by the moment. I ran over to the boat to make sure that the Big Guy saw my handiwork and hopped aboard. We started drifting and just as I was about to make a cocktail and lounge in the sun I saw the Big Guy lean over the edge of the boat and heave...again...and again...and again. He claims food poisoning, but I have my doubts. Not to worry, we made the best of it...and I made him take me out again today...I've got the tan lines to prove it. 

The stuff nightmares are made of.

I knew it would happen sooner or later. You can't have 4 kids (3 boys) and live small creepy crawler free for ever. Last night the tiny (hee, hee) Wild One and I had a "date" while the others were at football and soccer. I thought some ice cream and a walk around the lake sounded pretty good (that was after we first tried the batting cages...closed and the climbing wall...closed), but the Wild One had different images running through his head. Oh he still wanted ice cream, but he wanted to eat it in the car on the way to the pet store. We originally went in to look at the hermit crabs (the Wild Ones continually beg for a turtle and I continually say no as I have been told they stink no matter how religious you are with cleaning their cage and I'm guessing we wouldn't be so umm religious). After checking out all the "footballs" and "american flags" (I think there were creatures inside of them) the little one looks at me and says, "Well, I'll get one if you want me to." I guess they are not so appealing in person, although it is nice to know he likes to keep me happy. So we move on to the fish. He thinks maybe a beta and we talk about how he would have to feed it everyday. He thinks about that for a few seconds and says, "Maybe it wouldn't be hungry every day." We spend an hour looking at salt water fish (we don't have a tank), frogs (we have tons outside at home), turtles (still too stinky) and birds (too loud). I thought we were home free when I saw the empty reptile cages...until we turned the corner. Four huge tanks filled with lizards and snakes...tiny snakes...tons of them...wrapped all around each other...slithering all over...starring right at us (I think I can feel them slinking up my pant leg right now). I did my best impression of a good mother-I think I deserve an award. We counted them...try doing that when they are all in a big ball...we talked about the colors and had to look at the "cute" one trying to escape. After a while even the Wild One started to get creeped out. Once again on our way out...until we ran in to all the furry creatures. I don't mind looking at them as long as I don't have to touch them. Well the Wild One fell in love with a tiny little black and white mouse and I have to say I almost considered it. I talked him into going home and doing some internet research...we'll see how long that will last. This morning I decided to make some homemade waffles and almost broke my arm when I reached in for the cord and found this. Next time I think we'll try miniature golfing.

Who knew I was so generous?

I don't know about you, but I cannot leave Target without spending (at least) one C-note. I always wonder if i actually need everything in my cart and boy am I good at finding reasons for that need (let me know if you ever need a little help with that). I feel sorry for the poor suckers that work there, faced with all those things they need-they must never even bring home a paycheck. How can you walk into a store that carries everything from milk to bras to christmas tress and not find several things that you have to have? Everyone needs a new running bra every now and then...well maybe not the Big Guy or his buddies, but I am not even sure the Big Guy knows that the big red bulls eye is anything other than a one colored dart board. But here is what is really important to know***Target donates 3 million (yup, million) dollars back to our communities EVERY WEEK. That is $4.95 per second boys and girls. So while the economy might be bad and finances a little tight at my house I can now rest easy at night knowing that the money I spend on the items I need is going to a good cause. I am feeling kind of generous today...I think I'll run to Target.

Gotta get out more often.

So I am the designated driver (and spectator in the pouring rain) at the oldest Wild One's soccer game yesterday. Since it is a traveling team, we do have to actually travel to a few of the games. I don't know how they decide who plays whom, but we ended up in Minneapolis (and I must say it sure felt like we weren't in Kansas any more). The girls had a great game, played a respectful team and even won 3-0. However, the "background" music had a few of our parents sitting on the edge of their seats. We kind of got used to the screeching of the sirens, but when the police cars started flying by at dangerous speeds things got a little weird...I think we were all expecting to see some bloodshed. I kept looking at the other team's parents to see if all the fly-bys seemed normal-they were all laughing and cheering, so I figured we probably didn't need to take cover unless they did. I had to leave after the game started cuz we had one hard-assed ref who wouldn't let the girls tape their earrings. I was going to run to a convenience store to grab some alcohol (the rubbing kind...I know what you were thinking, believe me it crossed my mind too) to help sterilize the earrings before we tried to get them back in. I went around the block and found what looked like an old fashioned corner store...with out  a sign out front. I thought "How bad could it be?" I pulled up in front and tried to get a look at what they had to offer from the comfort (and safety) of my car. It looked promising and I almost got out...until I looked back inside and saw a man call to another and point at me. Obviously I could not hear what they were saying so I HAD to assume that had special plans for me. I pretended like I spontaneously (I think I might have even tried whistling) didn't need what I had gone there for and backed quickly out of my spot (almost hitting a red jeep-sorry-in the process). I thought it best to head back to the strip (the big Highway...safety in numbers) and find a Walgreens. I didn't mind being out of the rain for a few extra minutes either. I got back in time to hear one of the parents comment, "Do you think we're going to get to see a high speed chase?" The game ended safely and happily and we ran for shelter...from the rain...and tried to reinsert the ejected earrings. Let's just say that did not work very well...the piercings (all four of them) had just been done four days earlier and all I ended up doing was piercing my own finger...and that is when we all got to see a little blood.

We Remember.

Today I will think about all the people who lost a loved one on September 11, 2001. God bless America, those who died, those left behind, the soldiers fighting for our country and their families, everyone who loves this country and even those who don't. Do it in your own way, but don't forget to take a moment to honor those we lost, those left behind, the soldiers and their families and every breathing human that fights for or believes in the freedoms that we have and the costs that we endure to keep it that way.

A special shout out to Miss Z. Happy, happy day girlfriend. We love you and feel blessed to have you as part of our family...make 12 a great year!!

Little Snoot.

Oh how I wish you could hear me singing...Happy Birthday to You...and oh so lucky you are that you can't. Today is my baby cousin's birthday, who we like to call my parent's "Favorite child." I remember when my auntie was pregnant-cigarette in one hand, drink in the other (they didn't know any better back then...actually I think she did quit drinking for that...can't anybody accuse me of libel) and a t-shirt saying "baby" with the big arrow pointing as if we couldn't tell where the baby was growing. We have drug her around for years and (she says) taught her everything she knows...well really she says we just taught her all the naughty stuff...I think it's just in the blood. We celebrated last weekend and I must point out that us older cousins were the last ones standing...or hanging if you will. I love you Little Snoot...even if you are the favorite!

Are we spoiled or what??

I am actually working this week (assuming you don't think three kids with all their activities, a house, yard and husband-and his mother-are work) at a "real" job.  And get this...NO internet. OK pick yourself up off the floor, get a cold rag if you need it and sit back down. I really didn't know how addicted I am (and it's only been one day), but man I feel like I was on a deserted island (even Nim had an internet connection) or living back in the 1980's-which would be appropriate since I am working out of my childhood home! So the point of this rambling is that with adding an 11 hour, non-internet accessible shift to my regular work day I may be sparse in my entries this week. I promise some good stuff next week (like the coyote that almost ate four small children...although if it came down to it I may have had to throw one of them in the ring to save me...I mean the others). Check back, you never know-I may be up at 5 am with nothing to do before I leave for work...yeah right...and if I was, the Big Guy has dibs on me if I peel my eyes open any earlier.

Word Play.

This was not meant to be work...after all it is Friday, but my techno savy skills seems to have eluded me this morning. And since I do love a good game I will leave you to figure this one out.

Does this make me crazy or prove I'm crazy?

I don't know how to read just one book at a time...and it's getting worse. I have books piled on my night stand and stashed under my bed. I keep a book in the car, one by my computer and one in the bathroom. Currently I am reading "Queen Bees and Wannabes," (can you guess which one I am? No seriously it is about bullying in Middle School); "Nims Island," at night with the Wild Ones-but I sneak ahead when they are asleep cuz it's really good; "Once Upon a Marigold," which we got from the library for the Wild Ones and they did not read and I can't return it until someone reads it; "All He Ever Wanted," cuz it sounded good, isn't really, but I am compulsive so I have to finish it...sometime; "She Got Up Off the Couch," cuz the first one made me wet my pants laughing; "The Glass Castle," cuz my sister-in-law gave it to me in front of my other sister-in-law who said it was good and I have to be as smart as them so I can keep up at family gatherings; and two issues of Readers Digest and yes those too can be considered books cuz they take almost as long to read! That pretty much keeps all my personalities busy and happy so that they can't heckle me when I have nothing else to do! I picked up three new books on Tuesday (the list of must reads and rereads...think "Of Mice and Men" and "Little Women"...is overflowing my brain) and can't wait to add them to the pile...I think I may need a bigger night stand.

My Dream job.

Have you thought about the Tooth Fairy lately? The Wild Ones have each lost a tooth in the last two weeks so the TF has our address burned in her memory. I think she got lost one time cuz I woke up at 4:30 to check and she hadn't been here yet...fortunately she made it before anyone else woke up. The oldest Wild One is convinced that she is not real. She had the illusion that the Big Guy or I were putting money under her pillow (although that didn't seem to bother her when she gathered her loot). Now think about it, why would I give them extra money when I spend all day buying them what ever they need...and want. The middle Wild One just wants to be the Hero that figures it out. He comes up with elaborate schemes to fool the TF and has even tried to hook up a video camera. Too bad for him that she is magic and knows all...now that does kind of sound like a parent. And the littlest Wild One, he doesn't really care if she's real or not...he just wants the cold hard cash...come on he's got Legos to buy. Now that brings me back to the real Tooth Fairy. I Want That Job. Think about it...flying around all night in a little white tutu? Think of all the things you could snoop through...I mean see. Living in a tooth castle (remember they are baby teeth, not gnarly old rotten things) that you were continually adding on to-and in my fantasy it is always clean and filled with flowers and fresh fruit...by someone else. And she is obviously very wealthy if she can hand out all those quarters and dollar bills every night. Do you think there is a Mr. TF? I wonder what he wears?

Middle School or Bust.

There is just something wrong about being up before the little hand reaches the 6. Especially if you have not even hit your teen years (or after you're way past them). Of course it's only going to get worse when the sun starts coming up at noon and the temperature only reaches 10 below at the top of its peak before it goes down again in a couple of hours. After a summer full of fun in the sun...and whining, fist fights and name calling...the Wild Ones are all back in school (3 different schools and two different bus schedules) and I am back in my old routines-well at least trying to get there. I was sooooo looking forward to the peace and quiet this morning, but as soon as the second bus pulled away it seemed almost too quiet...almost.