Monday, November 3, 2008

Halloween Advice.

Advice for those of you that travel to neighborhoods or go far distances from home on foot. Remember this: use the bathroom before you leave and do not consume huge volumes of liquid while out trick-or-treating. We had made it about half way around our loop when I realized that the industrial sized drink that the Big Guy brought for me (and I had consumed the entire thing) had gone straight through me. Thank goodness we had hit a patch of homes at a dark intersection where no one was home...or perhaps they were just hiding inside with the lights off watching all the crazies go by. Regardless, I found a bush by a dark fence and dropped trou. Yes, it was that bad and I had to...really I did. I started to freak when a car was coming around the corner right at me, but the Big Guy assured me I was fine...he was looking the other way. I yanked my pants up and ran out into the street. The Wild Ones came running from across the street and the little one asked me what I was doing in the bushes. I tried to change the subject, but his voice just got louder. 

Devil: "Were you peeing in the bushes?" 

Old Lady:  "Me? Nooo. I thought someone dropped something in there." 

Devil:  "No you were peeing, I could see you."

Old Lady:  (Glaring at the Big Guy) "Hey is that a vampire behind that tree?"

The devil just rolled his eyes at me and ran off to investigate. So the next time you plan on trick-or-treating far away from home don't let anyone give you a cauldron of liquid to drink along the way and if you see anyone in the bushes just assume they dropped some candy and keep on walking.


Nicki said...

You are too funny! I would've done the same thing...

Brooke a.k.a. 34B cup said...

Oh man... At least it was number 1- so you could come home with both of your socks on.